Submission update:
Queries sent: 107 (2 to editors)
Rejections: 66 (1 editor)
Partials requested: 9
Partials rejected: 9
Almost six months since I started submitting Lucky to agents/publishers. It’s so hard to keep positive. Especially when you get two nice rejections in a row that say you have great elements…but just not enough. Two agents read partials and wrote back that they weren’t drawn into the story. I wish I knew how…or why they felt that way, because to me, it doesn’t make any sense. Yes, yes, I know the business is subjective, but I worked VERY hard to make the first several chapters interesting and intriguing.
What do you think?
Here are the opening scenes (forgive the bad formatting):
August 14, 2005
Nevada
The clock in the assassin’s head ticked a silent countdown toward death. Looking two hundred yards through the rifle’s scope made the mark seem an arms length away. Each second that passed was a moment closer to the kill.
This time, what happened in Vegas wouldn’t stay in Vegas.
Keeping Conrad Andersen in the crosshairs through a small crack between the motel’s grimy plaid curtains tested the assassin’s patience. Only a portion of the bed was in view, limiting the probability of a clean shot via the window. However, the opportune condition would present itself and make the job easier with the chaos left behind.
It was reason enough to wait.
Andersen pulled a hooker over his lap and playfully spanked her ass. The middle-aged woman shook her highlighted dirty blonde head, laughed, and kicked her legs in false protest. When her skin turned pink, Andersen kissed the tramp-stamp tattooed on small of her back and fell to the bed. She slithered against him, gave him an exaggerated kiss, and then vanished.
After he wiped his mouth, traces of the hooker’s lipstick smeared across his face. He frowned and got up moving out of view.
The assassin used the free moment to ease the tension built up after two hours on a stakeout. First a stretch and twist sideways, popping a few vertebrae. Flexing both hands and rotating both ankles brought the circulation back. Then Lucky wondered if the military did similar exercises when they’d been watching a target.
Doubt any of them had to watch an extensive Viagra-induced sexcapade.
Lucky eased back into position as Andersen appeared in the scope again. He was dressed in his best Sunday suit, blue pinstriped with a white shirt. A decent looking older man, but knowing what he’d done made him ugly enough to eliminate.
The hooker reappeared and shared a tender kiss with the john before gathering her belongings off the nightstand. When the lights in the room dimmed, Lucky began slow deep breaths and eased into a final position.
Directing the scope three feet to the right and targeting ten inches below the top of the doorframe was the perfect height for the target. The shot window was approximately five seconds; the wind factor, distance, and bullet drop already part of the equation. As the door opened, Lucky let out one last breath and started counting.
One: the hooker emerged first, laughing and turned her head back nodding.
Two: Andersen appeared and threw his arm around the woman’s shoulder.
Three: she glanced up at him as Lucky eased the reticle of the scope to Andersen’s head.
Four: he leaned down and kissed her.
Five: the mark lifted his head searching the parking lot.
In the sixth second, the bullet penetrated his skull. The man’s eyes popped upon exit. Pink bits of his brain splattered back on the door.
The hooker screamed.
Andersen’s body slumped against the frame. Other rooms instantly sprang to life with activity. A dog barked in the distance.
What was left of his face stared back into the scope. Kill confirmed.
Burn in hell, bastard.
With the casing secure in the brass catcher, Lucky removed the silencer then quickly popped off the shoulder stock. Then she packed up the Heckler and Koch MSG90 rifle in the trombone shaped case.
She rolled up the blanket, surveyed the roof for noticeable evidence then slipped down the side of the house. The occupants and their neighbors could be home any moment and she had to move.
Weaving her way through the backyard, she hopped over the fence of the adjoining property and emerged on Margo Drive. She walked the length of the street listening for any sign of the police behind her.
Two minutes after the kill, she found her rental car around the corner on Pacyna. The smell of Vegas: sex, booze, and money lingered in the air. Streetlights sparkled, waiting for the last of the sunlight to vanish from the horizon. She’d get back in time for the free hotel happy hour.
Lucky opened the trunk, secured the case, and slipped into the car. Then she sighed. Her boss was forcing her to get rid of the sniper rifle despite pleas to keep the weapon for sentimental value. She knew he was right, still, it was a great gun—one she had for years—and she hated to melt it down.
As she drove to S. Nellis Blvd, sirens wailed in the distance. She traveled south toward E. Tropicana Ave, and picked up her cell phone when she turned onto Paradise Road.
“It’s done,” she said while checking the rearview mirror. “Our boy had a thing for hookers, apparently.”
“Leave the package where I told you, he’ll take care of it for us. I’ll see you when you land, okay?” the man on the other end replied.
“Sure, Phen. Tell Bet she owes me dinner.”
“She does? Why?” He huffed. “Don’t tell me you two are wagering over your jobs.”
“No, she owes me because I told her you’d make me get rid of Heckle today.”
“Don’t be sore, you still have the other.”
“Yeah, yeah. Talk to ya.” Lucky clicked off the phone and went to drop off her weapon to the butcher’s lock box.
From here I go into a little history and the “change” that starts the whole story, chapter 3 is another hit…and so on.
At this point, I’m so far into Lucky’s story as a whole, I’m not sure how else I can change it to make the first half of the book better, more alluring, if you will. Giving too much away in the beginning ruins the plot. Telling more of Lucky’s past would make her less interesting. I’ve got two death scenes in the first three chapters, how else can I draw someone in? I haven’t a clue, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try and rework some things here and there.
It’s both constructive and aggravating getting rejection letters with editorial tips. Good because it means someone is really reading my stuff, yay! Bad because, well, the tips are generalized and don’t help me in figuring out what is “gripping” to agents.
I’m heading to Staples today to buy more toner. I have four publishing houses I’m going to submit to this week and want to get everything printed and ready for Tuesday’s mail.
If this round of submissions doesn’t work, I may try some of the smaller presses. I know of a few that I like, and know other people have submitted to. Some smaller and epubs aren’t my cup of tea. Just like agent acceptance is subjective, Jenn’s submissions are subjective.
Positive thoughts…there is a good match out there for Jenn. I just haven’t found it yet.
May 25, 2008
May 17, 2008
TV and writing...
Ah, Saturday at my computer. At one time, a few years ago, I spent most of the day on the computer. Granted, I was taking college classes at the time, writing, playing my Star Trek game, and chatting, but I was on the computer all day. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to spend this much time catching up on a Saturday.
I’m glad the TV season is winding down, my time and attention has been divided because of all the kick ass shows I’m watching. Bleh.
Survivor’s ending stunk, Amanda should have won. Smallville was fantastic. Apparently, Moonlight’s last episode was on last night. Fuckers…I hate when they do this shit. It’s bad enough they killed Jericho and Journeyman isn’t coming back. At least CSI’s ending was good. I thought the car was going to blow, the way they did it left it open for him to live.
Battlestar is on for a few more week, I believe…and it’s getting very good. I have no idea who the last Cylon could be. LOST is over in two weeks, and I’m ready to see how much they’re going to fuck with us this time around.
AI’s Davidfest is next week, I’m voting for Cook. He’s more talented, mature, and his own artist. Little David will be molded into whatever bubble gum teenybopper crap the producers want. Let’s see the real talent win this year!
SYTYCD is starting on the 22nd. Woot!
Less TV means more me time! I’m hoping to have a character/story idea to work on in the next few weeks. I’ve been editing the Lucky books, again, getting rid of some things my sister said she hated seeing in books. Her advice was good and it was an easy edit!
If I can get back into Lucky’s groove, I’ll continue with # 3, but I’m not going to force it. When I do that, I just get frustrated. I know what I need to do; soon, I’ll have the time to do it.
For now, I’m still sending out query letters. I’ve received a response from one editor already. She said my letter was well written (aww) but that the concept of a killer was a hard sell to women (it is?), and that Lucky sounded like a movie vigilante. (duh)
There’s an Angelina movie coming out soon called Wanted. She’s an assassin that works for a secret organization. When I heard about this movie, I was PISSED! Then I read more about it and realized it wasn’t SO similar to my Lucky story, but enough where it made me cringe. (I know, nothing is original anymore, blah blah)
So I’m thinking, I WANT to see this movie. I love Angie, I love McAvoy (the other main character), and I love the idea of a kick ass assassin movie. Now if I want to see this movie, half of my girl friends want to see this movie, and a shit load of guys want to go see this movie, how could a book, similar to this…not sell well?
I haven’t a clue.
All the romantic suspense, thriller, sci-fi, fantasy, paranormal and so on, books out there usually have a strong female character. Check.
They have a hot guy thrown into the mix. Check.
You can usually find one or two subplots one sometimes surrounding secondary characters. Check.
Complications? Check. Life threatening situations? Check. Steamy scenes? Check.
The difference between Lucky and the other books out there, she’s not trying to save the world, universe, a society of secret beings, a kingdom…no, she just wants to protect her family and find a killer. Is she a “heroine” protagonist? Depends on how you look at it. Yes, she kills for a living, but the people she gets rid of aren’t your average everyday citizen…they’re the true bad guys. She’s a hero to her family and perhaps some of the victims.
It’s not like the concept is ahead of it’s time or anything. Many characters have been an anti-hero type. I’ve made it apparent in Lucky’s books that she struggles with it and I think that makes it believable more than anything else.
The agent responses from my email submission have mostly stopped. I still have about 30 outstanding. *Sigh* To think of how much time I spent, reading guidelines, making sure they were a good fit…and get nothing back. Sad. I still have a few snail mails out there, and one more email to an editor. Tomorrow I’m printing to send submission packets out to publishers.
If this round doesn’t work, I may seek out a smaller press. We’ll see how things look toward the end of June. Never give up! Never surrender!
I’m glad the TV season is winding down, my time and attention has been divided because of all the kick ass shows I’m watching. Bleh.
Survivor’s ending stunk, Amanda should have won. Smallville was fantastic. Apparently, Moonlight’s last episode was on last night. Fuckers…I hate when they do this shit. It’s bad enough they killed Jericho and Journeyman isn’t coming back. At least CSI’s ending was good. I thought the car was going to blow, the way they did it left it open for him to live.
Battlestar is on for a few more week, I believe…and it’s getting very good. I have no idea who the last Cylon could be. LOST is over in two weeks, and I’m ready to see how much they’re going to fuck with us this time around.
AI’s Davidfest is next week, I’m voting for Cook. He’s more talented, mature, and his own artist. Little David will be molded into whatever bubble gum teenybopper crap the producers want. Let’s see the real talent win this year!
SYTYCD is starting on the 22nd. Woot!
Less TV means more me time! I’m hoping to have a character/story idea to work on in the next few weeks. I’ve been editing the Lucky books, again, getting rid of some things my sister said she hated seeing in books. Her advice was good and it was an easy edit!
If I can get back into Lucky’s groove, I’ll continue with # 3, but I’m not going to force it. When I do that, I just get frustrated. I know what I need to do; soon, I’ll have the time to do it.
For now, I’m still sending out query letters. I’ve received a response from one editor already. She said my letter was well written (aww) but that the concept of a killer was a hard sell to women (it is?), and that Lucky sounded like a movie vigilante. (duh)
There’s an Angelina movie coming out soon called Wanted. She’s an assassin that works for a secret organization. When I heard about this movie, I was PISSED! Then I read more about it and realized it wasn’t SO similar to my Lucky story, but enough where it made me cringe. (I know, nothing is original anymore, blah blah)
So I’m thinking, I WANT to see this movie. I love Angie, I love McAvoy (the other main character), and I love the idea of a kick ass assassin movie. Now if I want to see this movie, half of my girl friends want to see this movie, and a shit load of guys want to go see this movie, how could a book, similar to this…not sell well?
I haven’t a clue.
All the romantic suspense, thriller, sci-fi, fantasy, paranormal and so on, books out there usually have a strong female character. Check.
They have a hot guy thrown into the mix. Check.
You can usually find one or two subplots one sometimes surrounding secondary characters. Check.
Complications? Check. Life threatening situations? Check. Steamy scenes? Check.
The difference between Lucky and the other books out there, she’s not trying to save the world, universe, a society of secret beings, a kingdom…no, she just wants to protect her family and find a killer. Is she a “heroine” protagonist? Depends on how you look at it. Yes, she kills for a living, but the people she gets rid of aren’t your average everyday citizen…they’re the true bad guys. She’s a hero to her family and perhaps some of the victims.
It’s not like the concept is ahead of it’s time or anything. Many characters have been an anti-hero type. I’ve made it apparent in Lucky’s books that she struggles with it and I think that makes it believable more than anything else.
The agent responses from my email submission have mostly stopped. I still have about 30 outstanding. *Sigh* To think of how much time I spent, reading guidelines, making sure they were a good fit…and get nothing back. Sad. I still have a few snail mails out there, and one more email to an editor. Tomorrow I’m printing to send submission packets out to publishers.
If this round doesn’t work, I may seek out a smaller press. We’ll see how things look toward the end of June. Never give up! Never surrender!
May 9, 2008
Weekly update.
Man, what a week.
Let’s start off with the writing stuff.
I sent Lucky # 1 to a new writer friend of mine I met through work. He called me the other day. Said he read about 14 pages. Then he said: “You’re going to be published.” He said he liked my voice and tone. Wow. Right? I was so happy and embarrassed. Having family and friends tell you that they love your writing is wonderful, but I always have a feeling they’re being overly nice because, well they love me. It was wonderful to hear from someone who just met me and thinks I’m pretty darn good.
Maybe there is hope for me yet.
Agent update:
Queries sent: 116
Partial Requests: 9
Rejections: 60
Partial Rejections: 9
Jeeze. After this round of letters, I’m going for publishers. The one good thing to come of this…I’ve qualified for PRO in the Romance Writers organization. Heh.
But you know what? Some of these rejects are piss poor. Seriously…I understand agents are busy people, but you know what? This is their JOB. If you have 100 authors sending you queries every day, that’s 100 people, who are just as, if not, more busy than agents (full time job, writing, querying, family) taking their time to send you a LETTER, and all you can do is send back a slip of paper? Not a post card. A nice printed sheet of paper. A letter, or even an email. A strip of paper. WTF, really? Shame on you. How hard is it to print out a form letter and stuff in a supplied SASE?
At first, I was angry. Then I found myself disappointed. If/when I go back to query agents in a second round, or another project, I certainly won’t be sending to those agents who sent me back a slip of paper. Sure, they probably don’t care, but if word got around about how crappy their responses are…maybe they won’t get those 100 query letters every day and offer them to other agents who respect the time it takes for a writer to send out letters.
Anyway…
Has anyone noticed that the Quantas Airlines commercials are using Men at Work’s “Land Down Under” as their background music? It’s serious, instrumental and classical sounding…VERY funny! Of course now all I hear is Peter Griffin trying to sing it like he did this week on Family Guy…
Let’s go over the rest of my TV week.
American Idol. I told my brother that I heard Jason wanted to leave the show on Monday. Before we watched the show Tuesday, I told him Jason needs to forget his lyrics if he really wants to get kicked off. Low and behold…he messed up. Jason says today that he didn’t do it on purpose…yeah, right.
CSI. It was very funny this week. I was disappointed with Grissom’s line at the beginning…they totally gave it Nick later in the show! Grissom is the punny man damn it!
Smallville. This show just keeps getting better. I’ve said it once before, they’ve taken pieces from early seasons and brought them right into these last two seasons as if they planned this all from the start. I really wonder if they had all this in mind or pieced it together afterwards. Just amazing.
LOST. Wow. I’ll say it again. WOW. I honestly have so many thoughts and theories on this, I can’t even get them out of my head right now.
Survivor. I called my mother, right after Eric gave Nat the necklace and she was already laughing. She didn’t stop laughing for five minutes, I shit you not. Eric is a fucking moron…for real.
I haven’t watch SVU or Criminal Minds for this week, and Moonlight is on tonight. Fun fun.
I’m visiting my mother this weekend for Mother’s Day. She wants to go shopping. I wish I could go clothes shopping, but right now, it would be a waste of money. In another month, I’ll be at least one size smaller. By the end of the summer, I’m hoping another size or two.
I may break down and get some T-shirts and a pair of jeans, but that’s all for now. I hate wearing clothes that are two sizes too big, but it’s better than buying clothes every month.
My trainer is wonderful! She let me use her equipment two extra times this week. Four days in a row I worked out. Whew. Makes for a tired Jenn. I have to be extra good this weekend so I don’t mess up all the wonderful progress I made this week!
I haven’t been spending as much time online as I used to in previous months. I’ve neglected some of my online friends, groups, and message boards…but I have SO many to keep track of and so little time these days.
I’ve been a very bad comment poster lately too. I AM reading all my friends posts on LJ and a big chunk of blog posts on myspace, so keep writing! Just taking the time to comment these days, with my time shorter, gets overwhelming.
Yeah yeah, I know if I cut out TV I’d have more time, but how else am I supposed to relax after work?
Let’s start off with the writing stuff.
I sent Lucky # 1 to a new writer friend of mine I met through work. He called me the other day. Said he read about 14 pages. Then he said: “You’re going to be published.” He said he liked my voice and tone. Wow. Right? I was so happy and embarrassed. Having family and friends tell you that they love your writing is wonderful, but I always have a feeling they’re being overly nice because, well they love me. It was wonderful to hear from someone who just met me and thinks I’m pretty darn good.
Maybe there is hope for me yet.
Agent update:
Queries sent: 116
Partial Requests: 9
Rejections: 60
Partial Rejections: 9
Jeeze. After this round of letters, I’m going for publishers. The one good thing to come of this…I’ve qualified for PRO in the Romance Writers organization. Heh.
But you know what? Some of these rejects are piss poor. Seriously…I understand agents are busy people, but you know what? This is their JOB. If you have 100 authors sending you queries every day, that’s 100 people, who are just as, if not, more busy than agents (full time job, writing, querying, family) taking their time to send you a LETTER, and all you can do is send back a slip of paper? Not a post card. A nice printed sheet of paper. A letter, or even an email. A strip of paper. WTF, really? Shame on you. How hard is it to print out a form letter and stuff in a supplied SASE?
At first, I was angry. Then I found myself disappointed. If/when I go back to query agents in a second round, or another project, I certainly won’t be sending to those agents who sent me back a slip of paper. Sure, they probably don’t care, but if word got around about how crappy their responses are…maybe they won’t get those 100 query letters every day and offer them to other agents who respect the time it takes for a writer to send out letters.
Anyway…
Has anyone noticed that the Quantas Airlines commercials are using Men at Work’s “Land Down Under” as their background music? It’s serious, instrumental and classical sounding…VERY funny! Of course now all I hear is Peter Griffin trying to sing it like he did this week on Family Guy…
Let’s go over the rest of my TV week.
American Idol. I told my brother that I heard Jason wanted to leave the show on Monday. Before we watched the show Tuesday, I told him Jason needs to forget his lyrics if he really wants to get kicked off. Low and behold…he messed up. Jason says today that he didn’t do it on purpose…yeah, right.
CSI. It was very funny this week. I was disappointed with Grissom’s line at the beginning…they totally gave it Nick later in the show! Grissom is the punny man damn it!
Smallville. This show just keeps getting better. I’ve said it once before, they’ve taken pieces from early seasons and brought them right into these last two seasons as if they planned this all from the start. I really wonder if they had all this in mind or pieced it together afterwards. Just amazing.
LOST. Wow. I’ll say it again. WOW. I honestly have so many thoughts and theories on this, I can’t even get them out of my head right now.
Survivor. I called my mother, right after Eric gave Nat the necklace and she was already laughing. She didn’t stop laughing for five minutes, I shit you not. Eric is a fucking moron…for real.
I haven’t watch SVU or Criminal Minds for this week, and Moonlight is on tonight. Fun fun.
I’m visiting my mother this weekend for Mother’s Day. She wants to go shopping. I wish I could go clothes shopping, but right now, it would be a waste of money. In another month, I’ll be at least one size smaller. By the end of the summer, I’m hoping another size or two.
I may break down and get some T-shirts and a pair of jeans, but that’s all for now. I hate wearing clothes that are two sizes too big, but it’s better than buying clothes every month.
My trainer is wonderful! She let me use her equipment two extra times this week. Four days in a row I worked out. Whew. Makes for a tired Jenn. I have to be extra good this weekend so I don’t mess up all the wonderful progress I made this week!
I haven’t been spending as much time online as I used to in previous months. I’ve neglected some of my online friends, groups, and message boards…but I have SO many to keep track of and so little time these days.
I’ve been a very bad comment poster lately too. I AM reading all my friends posts on LJ and a big chunk of blog posts on myspace, so keep writing! Just taking the time to comment these days, with my time shorter, gets overwhelming.
Yeah yeah, I know if I cut out TV I’d have more time, but how else am I supposed to relax after work?
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