The year of Jenn is going well. I’ve lost another 30lbs since April and I really can’t wait to be in Onederland, as my trainer calls it. I hope to be in the 100lbs range by the end of September! Woot.
I just got back from my Tiger Schulman class. It was a blast. I wish it weren’t so expensive; I’d probably keep with it. Instead, I think my trainer and I are going to look for a different place. I really want to take a kickboxing class. Just haven’t found one yet.
This week on SYTYCD was a shocker to say the least. I had picked Comfort and Mark to leave, only because they were the weakest dancers left. But Will? Come on! That was SO unfair. Okay, it’s probably my fault because I didn’t vote, like countless others who probably thought the same thing. You’d think I’d learn after Daughtry was kicked off Idol. Ah well. The show was awesome though, I loved most of the routines.
Last weekend I saw the Dark Knight. I was sitting in the second row…that’s how crowded it was at 10am Sunday. Yikes. What a great movie! Heath did an awesome job, he really gave the Joker a creepy streak that was missing in Jack’s performance. Such a shame he’s gone. I really liked him. Bale, of course, is wonderful. Even when he’s in a shitty movie, he’s awesome. And I’ve given him a new McHottie name. Hottie McKnight. I think it fits. LOL.
I actually started the whole McNickname thing before they started doing Dr. McDreamy for Grey’s Anatomy. The names I’ve come up with so far (In no order):
And now Hottie McKnight
I have a few more faves that I haven't come up with their Hottie names yet, but I'm working on it! Though I can’t get credit for the McNickname thing, I just love how I come up with these great ideas and someone else makes it popular. I’m waiting for the Vampmance to be the new it word.
A few weeks ago I started reading Sherrilyn Keynon’s Dark Hunter series. I loved the concept behind the stories, but I didn’t really like the first few I read and ended up skipping most of the plot and focused on the romance and how it was written. But then this character, Acheron, started to stand out. He’s a great character and when I found out he was having his own book in August, I finished reading the series to catch up. For me, the books seemed to get better, then they reverted back to eh status, but I still wanted to make sure I had all of the info on Ash that I could get.
Jenn loves angsty, tortured characters. Ash has to be one of the most fucked over characters I’ve ever come across. I’m very interested to see what the author will put the poor guy through with her new book. I’m actually going to buy this one, considering I read all the other ones for free.
The most depressing thing about reading so many romance books, in a row, isn’t the constant repetition of the authors, no…it’s the longing for a relationship. Considering I’m a cynic, I would never expect a guy to act like they do in romance books. Granted, there are some out there who would be open with their emotions, strong willed, stubborn, yet sweet and romantic, manly and what not. However, I sometimes feel like *some* of these romances give people the wrong idea about love and relationships. Yes, yes, I know it’s fiction. It’s fantasy. It’s not supposed to be based in “reality”, but when you read 10-15 books in a row, that are romance to the nth degree, it kinda makes you wish you could find something like that.
I’m practical. I’ve been in a couple long term relationships. Have seen many, many relationships grow, change, and fail. Hell, I have more divorces in my family than marriages. We’re adding another one to the family soon. Great. And it was the one couple I really thought had a chance to make it.
Trying to focus on the Jenn has been great for me. I’ve been told I’m happier. I’m not so moody anymore. I definitely have more energy and vigor. My head is in a good place. If it didn’t happen when I was a crabby bitch, you’d figure it would happen when I’ve got my head on straight. Yeah, well, hasn’t happened yet.
My window of opportunity to have a family, if I actually do decide to have one, is slowly dwindling. More women are having children in their early 40’s, so I know that I have time, but each year that passes, I’m starting to realize my time isn’t infinite anymore. No, my biological clock isn’t ticking. I don’t have a strong desire to have a kid. But if I do find Mr. Right for Jenn, and he wants kids, and I decide I want kids too…I might be cutting it too close.
I want to find someone to share my life with. I want someone who I can depend on and who can depend on me. I want someone to snuggle with late at night watching the news or having a quite Sunday reading books or playing video games. I want someone to be there for me. I want to be someone’s number one priority. And vice versa.
At this point, I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried the bar scene. I’ve tried online. I’ve tried not trying. Nothing seems to give. My mother’s voice keeps creeping up in the back of my head saying, “Maybe it’s not meant to be.” While I know, deep down, she’s right, I try not listen to it often. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be loved. As much as I’ve suffered and given and helped people in my life, I feel like it’s my turn. I have a lot of love to give and I know, if he’s out there, we’ll have the best relationships out of anyone in my family. I won’t settle. I won’t jump into something. I want to take my time and build something so special, so wonderful, that it will make every romance quake in their boots. I’ve seen it. People have found it. I just hope I can find it too.