June 18, 2009

Feeling stuck....

Well, SYTYCD went rather well last night. A few of the routines were so-so, others pretty good. I didn't think any were over the top fantastic, but a few came close. I'm honestly waiting for the top 10, that's when it gets fun and interesting. I have to say, though, the choreographers are kicking it into high gear this year and making the dancers dance their little butts off.

I'll watch the results tonight in about 15 mins. Thank you DVR. How I love thee.

No, I didn't watch Real Housewives of NJ. Gah. I'd rather watch paint dry.

I usually watch documentaries during the summer. I haven't seen any good ones recently, but I'm sure they'll start popping up.

So, yeah, I feel stuck.

I'm still not writing. The last month or so has been because of the move and stress. Things are back to normal, as normal as it gets for me, but I'm still not writing. I don't have a character to write about. I have an idea of the type of character I want, but nothing is coming to me. I could probably do some brainstorming to work out traits and personality, but I also need a plot. That would help, right? It'll come to me, I'm sure. I just need patience, like a good young Jedi.

I feel stuck with Tiva. I've sent Tiva out to a couple places recently, just to see what'll happen, but the query needs work. I don't have a sysnopsis, and the books need a once through for editing still. My BFF had such high hopes for Tiva. I tried not to catch his enthusiasm because I didn't want to be let down, so I guess it worked because she doesn't seem to be going anywhere. It makes me sad. I know the books are good. Yes, they need more work, but the story is great, the characters are fun, and it's not like anything else out there right now.

I feel stuck with Lucky too. Maybe her story is just TOO different? I don't know. Agent after agent says they "see talent", "it's well written", "has an interesting concept" but no one wants to take her on? What's up with that? Even the few editors who've rejected me say that it's good, but not what they are looking for right now. Grr. I still have her out to a few agents, one editor (though I doubt she'll get back to me) and two publishers. I'll probably wait another month or so before I send anywhere else. It looks like I may have to start out smaller than my aspriations and go with a publisher geared toward Ebooks and print instead of the "big" publishers. Though, I'm in Dorchester's new E-Slush pile. Keep your fingers crossed. After reading some of their new books, I can't see how they could say no to me, so I'm staying positive on this one!

I feel a little stuck in general I guess. I've cut back on Facebook and Twitter recently, and I haven't kept up with my blog very well. I skipped a few of my writer's meetings the last three months for various reasons. It sounds like depression but I don't think it is. I think I've tried to do so many things for the last year or so that I truly need a break.

"Real writers write every day" right? Then I guess I'm not quite a real writer yet. Putting my heart and soul into 5 (6 actually) books the last five years of my life has obviously taken it's toll. I went through the whole editing process with Tiva....almost to the point of production, and had the rug pulled out from under me. Now, seeing Lucky in limbo makes me even more sad.

While it's true I will never stop writing, I'm not sure I have the energy or the time or the inclination to spend another five years working on things that are going to take up space on my hard drive and clog my email with rejections. I'm really not sure. Yes, I knew the publishing industry was hard. Heck, I got SLAMMED by about 100 people on AOL when I posted the blurb for my "Play Nice" book. Granted, the book was crap, but those nasty people made me feel like utter and complete shit. It made my skin thick to critisism, but it doesn't really help the emotional side of "completing your baby" and no one gives a crap about it and no one wants to publish it.

I've learned the craft. I have my own voice. I don't follow trends. I'm not the best writer, will never be, because I believe there is always someone better. But I don't follow the "formula". I don't write tranditional stories. I've tried and it got me no where, so I stick with what I'm comfortable with and what I like. Maybe that's my failing in the end?


Bonnie R. Paulson said...

If you don't mind me saying. I used to run cross country. The hard part was not putting on the shoes, or at the starting line or crossing the finish line. No, the hard part was the brick wall the runner hit at the 1/2 way mark. Some hit it sooner and some hit it later, but it always comes before the end. If you have faith in your run/writing, suck it up and push past the brick wall. If you like your writing, then one more person out there will. And all it takes is one. Because if that one likes then they will tell someone with similar tastes and so on.
This is a sucky industry. SUCKY, i say. You have books published. You have it better than most.
Maybe publish with other awesome publishers out there like Wild Child Press, Champagne Books, etc. There is a reason they are "recommended" on P&E.
I want an agent too, but until you have that income stream coming in, it might not happen.
I like the way you write and think you can do it. I want you to do it! YOU CAN DO IT!!!
I am looking for more books out there.
Don't give up. I promise you can do it. Push past that wall and give it more.
I toast you! With a plate of spaghetti and a caesar salad. I toast you. Writers put more into their work than anyone else does. You go girl! (sometimes i am prone to fits of passion... i apologize!)

J. M. Strother said...

Hey, Jenn. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking a break. I wonder if real mountain climbers climb mountains every day? Probably not. Time off can really help refresh the creative energy.

I think you're right to write what and how you want to instead of to a formula or in hopes of pleasing a particular audience.


Jenn Nixon said...

Thank you both for the comment....you give me something to think about. Much appreciated!!

Eric said...

Jenn, I'm very much in the same situation you appear to be. I have a few ideas I'm toying with, but the writing just isn't coming very easily. I'm also evidently not a "full-fledged" writer, because I don't do it every day either. I'm working on it, but I'm not there yet. I am committed to getting there though, and so should you be. Don't give up, don't let frustration drag you down. If I can keep kicking my procrastinating muse to the corner from time to time, so can you. :)

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