Week in review...with lots of B's.

Birthday:

Jenn’s birthday wasn’t too bad this year. I got a crap load of comments on myspace. That was nice. My new TV is beautiful. We watched American Idol on Tuesday and could see all the dust in the background, everyone’s face clearly, and even those people who were a bit oily jumped right out at you. LOL. HD is awesome.

Books:

I finished book #12.

Here is the amazon blurb:

The debut novel of Lian Hearn's Tales of the Otori series, Across the Nightingale Floor, is set in a feudal Japan on the edge of the imagination. The tale begins with young Takeo, a member of a subversive and persecuted religious group, who returns home to find his village in flames. He is saved, not by coincidence, by the swords of Lord Otori Shigeru and thrust into a world of warlords, feuding clans, and political scheming. As Lord Otori's ward, he discovers he is a member by birth of the shadowy "Tribe," a mysterious group of assassins with supernatural abilities.


I’m not sure how I feel about this book. There were parts of it I really enjoy, and other parts I ended up skimming over because it was boring. The author described the setting and scenery very well. At times, I could imagine myself in Japan, looking at the devastation left behind from a storm. Some of the characters were very interesting, others were just silly. Perhaps, because this is the first book of a series, it wasn’t that interesting and it fell a little flat. I was expecting more action and thrills from something about a clan of hidden ninja types and samurai warriors. Kouga Ninja Scrolls, it is not.

At this point, I have no desire to read the rest of the story. I can pretty much get the gist of it from all the foreshadowing done in this book. Eh. Shame.

I’m on book #13, Man Down, by John Douglass. He a former FBI profiler whose idea for a special branch of the FBI was stolen by Criminal Minds. He’s not the best fiction writer out there, but I like his easy going and quick read style.

I bought a Harlequin for Book #14. I’ll probably get to it next week. Unless I read it on Sunday. # 15 is a pick from one of my myspace friends: Mark David Gerson. I ordered his book last week. Should be here soon!


Boob tube:
I’ve got a new Smallville and Supernatural to watch, LOVED Survivor, and LOST. I’m kinda surprised at Idol, but then again, and I’ve said it plenty, young girls make up the majority of the audience, so of course the cute boys are going to stay! Duh. Once it gets down to four, it usually takes a sharp turn and people start voting for the talent they want to keep. I, like everyone else, thought both girls were great last night. Jason should have gone home; he’s more or less singing the same type of songs every week. Boring, slow, and he needs to get the hell off that stool. Man. He did so much better when he was singing Sting and standing. Right?

I’m sticking with David Cook still. When he hit that high note last night, I was happy for him. He’s got a great voice and he might actually be the first Idol to make me go out and buy the CD.

Survivor was great this week. Stupid Jason. What an idiot. Rule number 1 of Survivor, don’t trust anyone. Jeez. The girls are smart, I will give them that. James and Amanda could have turned the game easily and did no such thing. Pity, they might have made it more interesting.

I loved love loved LOST this week. Ben is one sick, twisted, scary mother fucker man. Trying to understand that guy is so simple and complicated all in the same thought and it freaks me out. There are some fun theories going around about what happened in that room behind the wall. Hehe. I love this show.

So You Think You Can Dance starts in a month! I love this show, I’m glad it’s back for another year.

Book writing:

Well, I sent out eight snail mail query letters. My update is as follows.

Queries sent: 102
Rejections: 48
Partials requested: 9
Partials rejected: 8

I’m going to resend queries to some of those email agents ones that never responded. I want to find maybe another ten to twenty agents via snail mail and see what happens. If I get no bites by the end of May, I think I may try editors and publishers next. I wanted to do right by Lucky and get an agent so I could get my books in with a big publisher. It’s been almost five months since I started searching. Staying positive the whole time is very hard. I’m still seeing agented writers getting book deals for crappy books and it starts to piss me off. I read books by authors with 10, 20, 30 novels out…and they suck. I still don’t get it, but what else can I do? Nothing but watch Jenna Bush talk about her book, or hear that Miley Cyrus is getting millions of dollars for her memoirs? Are you fucking serious? She’s fifteen years old. I can bet you a million dollars that girl hasn’t been through half the crap I’ve been through in the first fifteen years of my life, let alone the rest of the people in this world. Ugh.

If I had time, I would go back and revisit some of my other finished works and try to get them into editors hands, but I know I’m writing better now than I was a couple of years ago. I was hoping for some good news yesterday, since it was my birthday and all, but once again, I was disappointed.

Bummer:

Not to be a negative nelly, but I’ve realized that through the majority of my adulthood thus far I’ve been disappointed and sad. So many things make me sad, sometimes I have to shut everything out or I’d fall into a major depression.

I don’t normally come off as a sad person, but I am. I’m sad watching/reading the news. I’m sad seeing people I care about being hurt or abused or used. I can feel utterly alone and sad sitting in a room of family and friends. Sure, my head is always in the clouds but my feet are firmly planted in mud. I have a great façade that not many people have seen behind. It’s not exactly fake, either, I’m happy-ish on the surface, it’s underneath that’s sad. It’s not depression because I know the difference, I’ve been depressed before. This is something that has been inside me for as long as I can remember.

I once thought it had to do with my weight. So, I lost 100lbs, nothing changed. Yes, I feel better, look better, and I’m healthier, happier? Nope, not really.

I know being in a relationship won’t guarantee happiness, so that’s never been an issue…though sometimes it does help the loneliness.

It’s not due to a lack of solid, trusting relationships. I have plenty of those with my family and friends.

My job doesn’t make me sad, in fact, I really like my job.

I’m not sure what it is anymore. Deep down, I’m just a sad person.

I tend to be the funny one in the group of my friends (unless my brother is there). I’m the listener, hardly the talker. I’m always the one people end up telling their life story to without even realizing it. I’m the one who gets caught in the middle and has to fix things. I’m the one who has to keep the peace. I’m the one who tends to take care of everyone, everything. I’ve been an enabler to all of these aspects of my personality, so I shouldn’t complain, but even the Mother Hen needs a break once in a while.

At this point in my life, I’m too independent for anyone to “take care” of me. I don’t expect someone to come in and sweep me off my feet and promise me emotional and financial support and security for the rest of my life. I’m not that naive. Still, giving up control for a little while and just…‘being’ sound really nice to me.

I know this will never happen for me. I will always take care of my family. I will always be responsible for myself. I will always make sure the people around me are happy, even if I’m not.

Perhaps my problem is wanting too much, and I don’t mean material things. I could tell you my hopes and dreams for this planet, country, or even my little corner of the world, but that would take forever. The things I want for myself have always seemed way too far out of reach.

I’ve tried to stop “trying so hard” to make things happen. I’ve also tried to let “things happen”. I’ve tried to generate my own luck by being positive and proactive. I’ve tried to make myself happy by buying things, not buying things, buying things for other people. I always offer my ear, or shoulder. I’ve taken time to focus on myself and make sure I’m healthy and stable. I keep tabs on everyone to make sure they are okay. Even when I’m in the foulest mood, I try to be nice. I reach out. I make an effort. I care, sometimes too much. I always try to have a smile on my face and make people feel comfortable. I’m polite. I’m open-minded. I’m honest. I consider myself a good person.

I have great friends and a few specials ones that are 'shoulders' for me. I have a family whom I love and get along with wonderfully. I have a great job. I have some money in the bank. I have a crappy car, but it’s mine. I have a roof over my head.

I know how fortunate I am. I know there are people in the world who would be ecstatic to have a bit of what I have in my life. With all that I have…how can I not be happy? It doesn’t make sense to me.

And when I feel like this, I usually write. I’m not writing, again. Luckily, there is a NJRWA meeting/event thingy tomorrow and I’m going! Woot. At this point, I’m a sponge. I shall use those listening skills thrust upon me in high school and absorb every thing I can. Heheh.

I’m doing great with my trainer. Definitely one of the smartest things I’ve done in a while. I have a goal in mind, toward the end of the year. We’ll see how well I do....

More TV and writing...stuff.

Well, I got Ali right for the Biggest Loser. Let’s hope I can do the same for American Idol. David Cook should win. Hands down, he’s the most talented guy on the show. (And while I’m at it, James for Survivor.)

Can I just start off by saying…I don’t like Mariah Carey. Yes, she can sing her ass off, and yes, I like a FEW of her songs, but really…I can’t stand her. So, I was very upset with AI last night, but I watched it anyway.

Simon was right; the boys did much better than the girls. I have a feeling Brook(e) will be going home tonight. I think that sucks because she’s better than Kristie Lee Cook…she just started performing well…bleh. I have a feeling David Archeletta will win because of all the little girls voting. He forgot his words the first week; he should have been gone then.

Advice to you little girls out there: It’s not a cuteness competition, it’s singing/performing!

I watched the season finale of New Amsterdam too. Short season, but it was a test run for the show. I hope it did well enough to come back. I think, perhaps next season, John should meet a female cursed immortal and SHE’s the one, but she has some other obligation to fulfill before her curse is lifted and thus can’t be with John. Ha! That would be awesome.

I hate when good shows get the can. This year is probably the worst for my TV viewing pleasure. Jericho, Journeyman, Bionic Woman (it was growing on me), 4400, Dead Zone, Battlestar is done after this season too.

Last year wasn’t much better. The War at Home, Knights of Prosperity, Standoff, Studio 60…

It amazes me how these TV studios will spend so much money on pilots and scripts and making episodes, put the shit on for a season and expect the ratings to be spectacular. Maybe they should realize that more people are buying seasons and watching them on DVD and Tivo but still watching! Grr. I don’t follow the ratings very closely, but I bet ER and Law and Order didn’t start off with great ratings. Only reality shows seem to get large ratings right off the bat.

And as soon as the TV execs start to see the ratings slip, they freak the hell out. OMG only 3.5 million people instead of 4 million are watching LOST. Duh, for real? Do they honestly believe that the ratings companies are that dead on? I don’t. I know that a fraction of households in the US participate in ratings and it’s just multiplied by population. I don’t belong to Nielsen, but I do have a ratings type thing going on with Arbitron. It records what I watch and listen to on the radio. I wonder if those ratings are added to Nielsen’s. Doesn’t make sense, to me, to guesstimate how many people are watching something. People without cable probably aren’t even considered in those counts.

I know many people who watch the shows during the summer too. That’s what I did for Criminal Minds two years ago. I initially watched the first episode. (I’ve been a Mandy Patankin fan since I was 5, long story) I loved it, but there was something else I watched at the time and I didn’t have DVR, so I waiting until the summer to catch the reruns. It worked out perfectly, saw all the ones I missed and was ready for the new season when September rolled around.

Last TV season my DVR was full. These days, my DVR is kinda bare. I recorded the John Adam’s mini series on HBO, but I haven’t gotten around to it yet. It looked good, and I love the cast…eventually, I’ll get to it.

Normally, having less to watch on TV, I would be writing more. However, I think I’ve come to the decision not to continue working on Lucky # 3. I don’t have an agent for it. I don’t have a publisher for it. I would hate to finish # 3, get some kind of deal thing going and only be able to write three books for Lucky. I could stretch out the story to four, maybe five books if needed, but what happens if I get a three book deal, which seems to be the norm for larger publishers?

Okay, let me dream here for a minute, will ya?

I would have to go back to it, revamp the majority of the book from the middle to the end to make the series as a whole work. I know exactly what I want to do, where I want to go, and how I’m going to get to the end, end. I could just write is as a three part series and call it a day, but I really like the way I’ve planned it out so far. Four books would be just fine by me and I’d have the conclusion I really want. If I have to do it in three, # 3 is going to long and very emotionally draining for both me and Lucky. I’d do it, if I had to…

So, for now, I think I’m going to work on a new project and put Lucky to the side. I’ve written down the parts of the story that wouldn’t leave my head, so they aren’t bothering me anymore. I won’t abandon Lucky, but I think it’s best I work on other (stand alone) projects.

I’m very upset about it. I just can’t seem to justify putting more effort into the story if I’m having such a hard time getting it in front of people who will help me get it published. I could always go with an ebook publisher, there are a ton of reputable ones out there now. But, that’s not what I want.

Maybe I’ll go back and finish the SynthMale story I was working on for Nano. I know how I wanted it to end, I stopped writing when it was getting to the climatic tension and something wasn’t working. I’ve put it aside long enough; I think I might revisit it and see what went wrong.

I’m working up a profile for my newest character idea. I don’t have much, but it’ll come together by the end of this weekend, I think. I also have a few other ideas floating around in my head, as well as several outlines and notes for other stories.

I read a blog post recently about debut authors over 50. “They” say it’s possible. If I have to wait another 20 years to “make it”, I guess I’ll have no other choice because I refuse to give up, damn it!

Seriously though, I hope it doesn’t take that long.


I’m off to watch the debate. Whee!

Are you a loser? I am!

Biggest Loser Finale is today!!

I can’t wait to see how everyone looks. I love before and afters in just about every category, houses, people, makeovers, etc. Love them! I have my own before, a middle, and right now I’m again working on the after with a personal trainer. I’m not getting a four hour beating every day like the BL crowd, but I’ll be working out two days a week, and doing more stuff on my own as soon as it gets a little warmer outside.

It may take me until the end of the year, but Jenn is determined. I lost 100lbs already and have maintained it for at least a year. I’ll admit, I stopped trying to lose for a while, but I’m ready again.

My goal is at least 10lbs by the end of this month. I’m already 3lbs in, so that’s a good start. My average on Weight Watchers before I started exercising was about 2.5lbs a week. This time around, I’ll be working out and eating better, but I don’t think I’ll lose as fast, so 1-2lbs a week will give me 36-72lbs by December. If I’m closer to the higher end, I will be super happy. I haven’t decided on a goal weight, only because I’ve never been close and I’m really not sure I would look right at the target weight most people give my height range. Maybe I will, who knows. Last time I was close to what my target weight is supposed to be, I was 14 and told I was fat. Granted, I was probably about 30lbs overweight at 14, but I wasn’t fat…

Anyway, I hope a woman wins this year. It’s kinda unfair to put men and women up against each other in a weight loss competition. Everyone knows men lose weight quicker and easier than women do. They should have a winner for each gender and cut the prize in half. So sayeth Jenn.

Former Roomie and I watched the last two Smallville episodes and the first two Battlestar Galactica eps from the new/last season this weekend. Man, that show is off to a great start already. Katee (Starbuck) is doing a great job and she’s growing as an actress. I hope she makes the transition to movies or other shows because she was the best thing in Bionic Woman. I’d like to see more of her in the future.

I’m about halfway through the book I’ve been reading at work during lunch. Across the Nightingale Floor by Lian Hearn. It’s very interesting, and different from the majority of the books I usually read. I should have a post about it by next week.

I still have a huge stack of books I bought and never read. I may start going through the pile or I might just ask for book recommendations. I haven’t decided yet.

I haven’t heard anything new from WOW about Tiva’s books. At the end of this month, it’ll be two years going. Which is normal for the publishing industry. I admit, I’m getting anxious and nervous and worried, but I have faith in the people at WOW and I know they’re working as hard as they can. Still, that doesn’t mean it’s easy on me. In fact, it’s downright stressful. I had people constantly asking me, “When is your book coming out??” last year. I think they got so tired of asking and getting the same answer, they’ve stopped asking. That upsets me even more.

*Sigh* I have so many plans for Tiva. So many things I want to do. I was going to plan out things to do to promote the book this year. I want to make book marks and post cards and do a bunch of other things for Tiva. I’d like a video for youtube, and myspace, and a webpage just for her. I going to do everything I can to get her out there. Hell, I’m planning on making sure the book sells well enough to get me noticed. Then, maybe Lucky will find a home.

Oh, here is my agent update:

Queries sent: 92
Rejections: 46
Partials requested: 9
Partials rejected: 8

I’ve decided I’m going to start mailing letters this week. I’m going to send snail mail letters to some of the early agents who haven’t responded to me yet and see how that goes. I have about 10 others I set aside to send out letters to as well. I’m trying my best to stay positive; it’s getting harder with each passing week. It’s been four months since I started searching for an agent. I’m actually surprised I haven’t gotten any offers considering some of the crappy books I’ve read in the last year.

Sure, I know I still have a lot to learn, and I would LOVE to go back to school to do so, but I don’t have the means right now. Which sucks. Maybe I should start playing the lotto again. I only need a couple thousand to go to school. I’d be happy with that. Heh. Of course, I’d be happy with a million so I wouldn’t have to work and could concentrate on writing. Or, even better, find a guy with money who loves my writing and wants to sponsor me…then marry me. :-)

Eh, I would never marry just for money. I would rather be struggling paycheck to paycheck and be madly and passionately in love than be with a rich guy who doesn’t ‘do it’ for me. I’ve said it plenty, I will not settle for less than perfect for me. Not perfect, because no one is, but perfect for me is a different category. So, like my mom tells me…I might not find “true love” in this lifetime. Gee, thanks, that helps.

I’d hate for that to happen, but I guess there are some people out there who aren’t supposed to get married. I honestly hope I’m not one of them. I’d like to think I’ve seen enough bad relationships in my lifetime to bypass them all together, but they say you don’t always choose who you fall in love with. I believe he’s real and somewhere in the world. I just have to find him now! LOL

8 days until my birthday. I wish I had something more to show for my 34 years on the planet. But, on the bright side, I’m still alive and that’s worth celebration on its own.

Maybe I’ll get an agent for my birthday.

Book # 11, romance ranting...

I'm done with Book #11 of the year. I'm not saying what it is, not because I thought it was bad, I'm just confused. Here's why:

I’ve said many times, when I read, I try to read for the pleasure of it, but sometimes things stick out. This book I just finished reading was a little weird for me. It was a historical romance, 1820’s England. Now, I don’t know much about the time period to be any type of critic. I’ve seen my share of movies from that time, and I remember some of my history, so I’ve got an idea. And this book, for the most part, made me feel like I was there.

The main plot—aside from the romance, was actually very interesting. It helped me come up with some good shit for Lucky, but that’s another story. Anyway, I did like both main characters, though, I think they were the type of characters you don’t usually find in these kinds of historicals. Unless all main characters don’t like their society, either way, they felt out of place to me. Might just be the book, don’t know yet…

I thought the way the romance was handled was weird. Again, I think this may be the characters involved, but it seemed a cruel way for two people to have a happy ever after. Granted, I know there’s supposed to be some conflict and struggle, this just seemed over the top, especially for the time period.

There were parts of the book that I loved and I was even mildly surprised by the sex scenes. YES, the word manhood was there, but it wasn’t that bad. The sex wasn’t graphic in description, but you knew exactly what was going on. That’s kinda how I’ve done my scenes in Lucky, so it was nice to see it elsewhere. Sensual, detailed, but no dang body parts!

Ha.

Okay. I *think* I’m starting to understand the, uh, “romance” genre a little more. The rules are a bit more lenient in romance, right? I mean, a best selling author, with 40 novels, knows how to write…right? The characters are supposed to be a little over the top. The plot is usually grounded, but allows for that fantastical aspect, even if it’s contemporary. Because, well, it’s a romance. Like, say an overly action-packed action movie where the good guy never gets hurt, etc. I get that.

Is the same true for the actual writing? Is okay to repeat the same sentence—and while I’ll admit the sentence did remain with said character when it showed up—at least a half a dozen times in the novel? Use the same descriptions over and over? Is that considered the author’s writing style to drive the point of his smoldering eyes or is that being lazy? At this point, I honestly don’t know. Unless it’s intentional, I try not to use the same…anything, verb, adverb, noun, start with the same word…to close together in my writing. Sometimes, it takes me half an hour to find a better word than the one I used twice in the same page.

Does that make me weird or anal? Probably, does it make me a better writer? Beats the snot out of me…

Sure, I get a little mushy with my dialogue, but I try to make my romance relationships seem as real as possible. Hell, quoting music lyrics from loves songs is cheesy, but people write those songs for a reason, right? When love in involved, people say things out of character. I’ve done it and seen it first hand. But when I read a book that’s a romance, centered around the romance, I’d like it to be based in reality, even if the circumstances aren’t.

One last time, it may just be the characters in this book, and no…I’m not saying which, it didn’t feel right. I’m going to have my sister give me another book, maybe the same author, maybe not, but it’ll be historical, and we’ll revisit this topic once again.

I got a couple of rejections the last two days, so I sent out five more queries. I think I’m going to give it until the 15^th or possibly the end of the month before I go to phase two. Paper letters. I honestly don’t mind the expense, but the time and paper…I could do without. My room is a mess as it is. Guess I’ll have to clean before I start.

In happy news, Jenn is getting a wide screen, big HD something TV for her birthday. My bro is having everyone pool their money together to get it for me. Means I gotta buy a blue ray to play on the PS3. And I know he wants to play his COD on a big flat clear screen too. Heh.

Comfortably numb.

It feels like Thursday again.

I’m doing the weekly newsletter for my Star Trek role playing group and watching Survivor. CSI is next. Lost would be a great cap to the night, but it’s a repeat. My old comfortable Thursday’s were much quieter last TV season. Now, my bro is constantly playing Mortal Kombat or Call of Duty…”Get over here!” or “Planting Claymore!” has become permanent auditory background noise in my house of late.

I’ve actually been writing. Go me! However, I’m suddenly doing it out of order. But I’m still writing! This one friggen scene just wouldn’t get out of my head. Being stuck three chapters in because my brain won’t think of anything else really sucks. So I wrote the damn thing down. And, of course, I constantly reread scenes I love, over and over and over again, so, I’ve been reading it too.

Now, I’m still kinda stuck at the beginning and I reallllly want to get to that section in the book so I can flesh it out and make it more powerful. Gah! What have I done? I KNEW there was a reason I never wrote out of sequence.

I will admit, reading a teaser by KM Moning got me riled up enough to write that little scene. I even tortured my sister by making her read it. Her words, well close enough: “I fucking hate you. Don’t talk to me.” That means Jenn did good.

Until Warcraft, my sister read a lot. I mean…a lot. At least one, and sometimes two books a day. Every day. All romance. Usually the icky romance I don’t like. Historical: swollen flower petals and pulsating manhood kinda romance. *Shiver* Sometimes she peppers in a contemporary, or suspense-romance, and such.

But, she likes her romance. I’ve been trying to convince her to start a blog and review the stuff she’s read. Ah, maybe one day.

Anyway, she was gushing about Irene Peterson’s book, Glory Days. I blogged about it earlier. I’m glad she read it. I’d liked for her to get back into reading. She’s my test subject for romance. She knows the type of stories and plots I like and she knows how I like my romance. Both reading and writing, because they are two different beasts all together. When I’m unsure of a scene, usually romantic or sexual in nature, I set up the emotional background first. Then I explain what I want the scene to convey. Then I make her read it. Heh. I’m evil, but she’s a good critic and has read enough of the genre to give me the lowdown. She likes her smutt, but she likes it well written.

I’m off to PA for the weekend to visit my mother and nephew. It’s his birthday today!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! So my bro and I are going to spoil him for a day.

So, I won’t be able to write, but I plan on making my mother take me for a ride around town for some more “on location” research for Lucky’s hometown. Which means it’ll be another weekend with me thinking about it instead.

Oh, I have an update on the whole search for an agent. I’m starting to get down again. What I really need to do is take a day and focus on it. I have a healthy list of agents I want to send snail mail too. That’s my next task.

I haven’t decided if I should re-query old agents from back in January. It’s been three months. They don’t have that “if you don’t hear from us…” stipulation, but I haven’t heard from them.

IF I do decide to re-query, should I mention that? Or should I just send it as if it’s my first?

Anyway, here’s the update.

Queries sent: 77
Rejections: 37
Partial Requests: 8
Partials Rejected: 7 :-(

So, now you see why I’m down. My second requested partial is still out there…I’ve got my fingers crossed…